Mistakes
by DemonicFireChick
Summary: What if Suze hadn't resisted Paul at his house in Haunted? What if she had just given in to the pleasure he gave her? And what if Jesse found out? PaulSuze SuzeJesse
1. Pleasure

**Mistakes**

**(A/N)**: First I want to say that this is my first fanfic ever. So if it sux, please don't chase me down with torches and pitchforks... Anyway, I always wondered what would happen if Paul had gotten the better of Suze in _Haunted_ (I think a lot of us do) so I decided to write about it. I doubt this really would have happened but it's my fanfic and if you have any problems with that then you don't have to read it. If anyone has made a story similar to this, I'm sorry but I _swear_ that I didn't steal your idea.

P.S. I'm starting at the place where Suze and Paul were sitting in his room talking about that Soul transference thing, but it's not going to be the same word for word.

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Suze, Paul, Jesse, or any other Mediator characters. They belong exclusively to the wondrous Meg Cabot.

_Chapter one:_** Pleasure**

His face was awfully close to mine... Why was his face so close? I started to pull away, but his warm fingers instantly seized my wrist. I glanced at his hand. It looked tanned and dark against my slightly pale one.

"Paul—"I started, but that was as far as I got because he had leaned across and kissed me! I sat there, stunned for a second. But then I started to kiss him back a little... then a lot. I brought my hands up and ran them quickly through his hair. It was just as silky as it looked. Damn he was a good kisser! I was well aware that it was wrong. I mean, he was the spawn of Hell! Why the hell was I kissing him like this? But I couldn't stop. He was just too good! Too warm. And, in a strange way, too comforting. It was obvious that Jesse didn't want me, and it was nice to know that _someone_ did. But, then, if I kept this up, wouldn't it mean that I would be using Paul to make myself feel better? Oh, who cared?! It's not like Paul wanted me to love him or anything. He just wanted my body. So I'd let him have it. I wouldn't let it go too far, I would just have a little fun with him. No big deal...

His tongue flicked across my lips, bringing me back to reality. I parted my lips for him and his tongue delved into my mouth. God he tasted good! Like Crest, bubble gum, and... well... him! Suddenly I realized that somehow we had ended up lying on the bed with him halfway on top of me, his weight pressing me gently yet firmly into the mattress. I couldn't resist letting my hands roam up his back, bringing his shirt up with them. Our mouths parted for a moment, just long enough to get his shirt over his head. I threw it on the floor beside us. Jeez, this was fun. I could have done this for hours,_ days_ even! With him on top of me, whispering and moaning in that sexy latino voice of his. Wait... latino? No, that wasn't right was it? But I quickly lost my train of thought when he started to kiss and nibble his way down my neck. Oh! That felt good! His tongue slithered across my collarbone, causing me to gasp and shiver with pleasure. I felt him smile against the nape of my neck as he lightly kissed it, bringing yet another light shiver from me. Wow, he was good... Then I felt his hand snake up under my shirt and start stroking my side gently.

"Oh, god, Jesse!" I sighed, then instantly realized what I had said. But Paul was either too interested in his work to notice, or he just didn't care because he was back to kissing my lips. Oh, well. At least it hadn't bothered him right? It hadn't meant anything anyway. Just a slight slip of the tongue. And speaking of tongues... I grinned at my own thoughts.

Suddenly I heard a rustling from the other side of the room and a painfully recognizable voice say, "Susannah?" I sat up like a bolt, shoving Paul off of me.

"Jesse!"

**(A/N):** Uh-oh! Suze is in t-r-o-u-b-l-e!! hehe! I know this chapter was really short but I just had to have a cliffhanger. Sorry. But if you wanna find out what happens you hafta R&R! So, go ahead, click that little button down there... you know the one...


	2. Pain

(A/N): Hi again! Ok, obviously this is chapter 2(duh!) and I hope you like it. I wanna give shout outs to DancinSweethart, Teen-Princess, Roomate153, happydrummergal, and jerseygirl. Thank you for reviewing. If anyone else reviewed after I wrote this, I'm sorry I couldn't list your name too but thank you for reviewing. I'm going to try to update this thing regularly but I can't make any promises. I do have a life ya know. But I guess it doesn't matter much cause I can already tell that this is going to start sucking later on. That is if it doesn't suck already. Anyway, hear we go.

_Chapter two: _**Pain**

"Jesse!" I said, shocked and at a loss for words. I was well aware that this looked exactly like what it was. But it didn't matter right? I mean, Jesse didn't love me or anything so beyond the whole making-out-with-a-guy-that-previously-tried-to-kill-both-of-us thing he should be alright with it, right? _Right_? Yeah, he would be totally fine with it.

But then I looked into his eyes and saw the raw pain there. Oh no. Oh _no_, I couldn't stand to see that pain in my Jesse's eyes. I couldn't look at him, and I knew damn well that he wouldn't want to look at the disgusting thing that was me, so I cast my glance at the floor and promptly stood up off the bed.

"It's not what it looks like," I said, lying through my teeth, "we were just—"but I stopped. I couldn't lie to him. I couldn't lie to the man who had saved my life and stolen my heart. I mean, this was _Jesse_! For god's sake he would know I was lying anyway. So I just said, "I'm so sorry."

I let a solitary tear fall down my cheek and braved a slight glance in his direction. He was staring at me as if he was just realizing something. And I could tell that it was something he didn't like very much. Suddenly he seemed to snap out of his reverie and glanced over my shoulder. He had a look of murder on his face and the scar through his eyebrow was practically glowing! Then I remembered that Paul was in the room. I could almost see the cocky smirk that he no doubt wore at this very moment. Jesse started toward him, obviously planning to smear that face, along with those lips that had been kissing me passionately just seconds before, all over the floor.

But I couldn't let that happen. Sure Paul was a jerk, and sure, it was partially his fault I was in this predicament, but I had kissed him back. If Jesse was going to hurt Paul, he would have to do the same to me because I couldn't live with the guilt of knowing that I had cheated on Jesse and laid the blame on someone else that wasn't, in fact, entirely at fault.

So, as he was about to walk around me and smash Paul's face in, I jumped in front of him and said, "Don't hurt him."

Jesse looked stunned for a moment, then said with venom in his voice, "So you are defending him Susannah?"

"No! It's not like that. It's just that he wasn't the only one involved and I don't think it would be fair to blame him." I really didn't like the look he gave me when I said that. Like he was considering ripping out my throat along with Paul's.

"Fair, Susannah? Fair?" He was really starting to scare me. "Was it fair to not tell me about Slater being back so that you could come here and be with _him _in his bed?" I didn't have an answer to that one. I mean of course it wasn't fair not to tell him, but it wasn't like I had planned on Paul coming back to Carmel and I _definitely _hadn't planned on coming to his house. But he still had a point.

"Jesse," was all I could say and I heard the crack in my voice and the hopeless tone it had. But he turned away from me and strode over to Paul. Paul had a look of both resentment and eagerness on his face, as if he _wanted_ Jesse to beat him into a bloody pulp! There was no way Jesse would lose a fight between the two of them. I mean, for christ sake, Jesse had already broken his nose once, did he want that to happen again? And on top of that, even if he did get in a lucky shot, Jesse would heal in seconds. He had to realize that, so what the hell was he thinking? Don't get me wrong, I wasn't that worried about Paul. But I was very worried about Jesse. Paul was no idiot. If he knew the odds were stacked against him he would run, no matter what the fight is about. If he was staying then it probably meant that he had something up his sleeve. And I bet that something wouldn't be very healthy for my Jesse.

"Slater," Jesse said fiercely, "how dare you touch my querida!" Had he just said I was his querida? No, he couldn't have. How could he say I was his dearest when I had just done this to him? _How_?

Paul was unfazed. "Well, the way I saw it, your _querida_ was having a nice time before you came along de Silva," he said with an evil grin. It made me shiver just to look at it. And, no, it wasn't a shiver of pleasure this time. In fact, I think shudder would be a more appropriate word for it.

Then, all of a sudden, Jesse totally let lose, sending his fist flying in Paul's direction. But before it could connect, a huge, beefy hand came out of nowhere and caught it, throwing Jesse off balance and knocking him to the ground. I looked at the owner of the hand and saw about three hundred pounds worth of Hell's Angel. Or, should I say, the ghost of about three hundred pounds worth of Hell's Angel. That's right. Biker Bob over there was dead.

"What the hell—"I got out before it clicked. "_Minions_?! You have ghostly _minions_ Paul?! How the come don't _I_ have any?!" ((Don't get on my case. I know Suze would have _never_ said anything like that but I can't help it. I want her to want minions.))

Paul just looked at me. There was something in that look. I don't know what it was, but it was something heavy. Something I either couldn't or wouldn't put into words. It was almost like he was trying to tell me something... then he lunged toward Jesse and I only had an instant to realize what he was about to do. His words from earlier flashed through my head. "_You could have gotten yourself to the Shadowland and back without being exorcized. All you have to do is visualize it, close your eyes, and then you're there."_

He was going to go to the Shadowland. And he was going to take Jesse with him! I saw Paul's hands latch on to Jesse, who was still on the floor, then, in slow motion, I watched his body go limp and Jesse dematerialize. Only he wasn't going to rematerialize later behind me, trying to scare me. Because this time I got the sinking feeling that he wouldn't be able to escape...

**(A/N): **Gasp!! Oh no! JESSE!! I wonder if he'll be okay. Well, I guess I really

don't because I know exactly what's going to happen. But you don't. You can find out though. All you gotta do is review. I'm sorry if this chapter doesn't seem to flow. I was kinda tired when I wrote it and things were just sorta pinging all through my head. Btw, I welcome constructive criticism, but please avoid flames. Thx!


	3. Death

**(A/N**): hey! Chappy 3 is here! hope ya like. I'd like to thank SwEeT-sHoRtY, SweetestReject, Mystique Angelique, and jESSiEnESs for their reviews. Thank you! Well, that's all I really needed to say. On with the story!!

Chapter three: **Death**

As I watched Jesse disappear, something inside of me died forever. Because I knew that there was no way to save him. Even if I could have gone up to the Shadowland, there was no guarantee that I would come in anywhere near where they were.

Then I felt a huge beefy paw land on my shoulder and I turned around just in time to see a fist the size of a wrecking ball flying in my direction. Then all went black.

Fog. That was all I could see. Lots and lots of fog. I couldn't see where I was or anything, but I had a pretty good idea. Suddenly the fog cleared and I was in a long hallway with doors on either side. I heard a scuffling behind me and turned to see Paul and Jesse beating each other's brains out (not literally) on the floor.

"Oh my god." I muttered and rushed over. Paul had the upper hand at the moment and was on top of Jesse. I grabbed his fist just as it was about to connect and dragged him off. He started to resist until he saw it was me.

"Suze..." Paul said, "How did you get here?"

"Same way you did."

He looked shocked for a minute but quickly recovered.

"Susannah, leave here." This from Jesse who was now standing up and staring straight at me. "I don't know how you got here, but you must leave this instant."

"Jesse, chill. I can leave whenever I want. No big deal." I wasn't sure of this, but if I could get here just by picturing it, it should work the same way reversed right? Wait... I hadn't gotten here by picturing it. Suddenly I remembered the fist flying in my direction and... Oh, god...

"Paul?" I said hesitantly.

"Yes Suze?"

"Can you get here by simply being knocked unconscious?"

"Not that I know of. I mean, it might be possible, but it's never happened to me. Why?"

"Because I don't think I just shifted here."

"What do you mean shifted Susannah?" Jesse asked. Oh, that was right. Jesse didn't know what was going on.

"I'll explain later." Maybe. I added silently. "But, Paul, all I remember is Biker Bob's fist coming at me. I didn't even think about coming to this place or anything..."

Realization dawned on his face and he said, "I my god, no."

Jesse was looking at us a little hurt. Probably thought we were hiding something. So I quickly gave him the rundown on the whole shifter thing. After hearing the gist of it, he quickly caught on to the problem, "But Susannah, if you did not try to shift here, then what happened?"

I tried to stay calm as I told him what I thought.

"Jesse... I think I died..."

(A/N): OH MY GOD!!! Did Suze actually DIE?? You'll have to send me reviews if you want to find out. I'll try to update soon... Sorry it was oh so short but I had to end it like this and every time I tried to add stuff it sounded too forced. But the next one will make up for it. Really this time. I promise!!


	4. Oh, shit! I was killed by a dead biker! ...

**(A/N)**: Ok, chapter 4 is here! Sorry about the crappy title. Didn't feel like coming up with a better one. Just as a refresher in case you don't feel like going back to the last chapter to see what's going on (unless you never read it in the first place. In which case, GO BACK), Suze and Paul were making out in his room when Jesse showed up and got in a fight with Paul. Paul shifted and took Jesse up to the Shadowland. Suze soon followed when Biker Bob, Paul's minion, knocked Suze out. Once she was in the Shadowland she quickly broke up the fight between Paul and Jesse. After talking for a few minutes, they all realized that instead of knocking Suze unconscious, Biker Bob had killed her. Damn ghosts! Btw, sorry purplesox, I think I accidentally excluded you from my last thank you list. Thanks for reviewing for chapter two!

**SweetestReject**: Yes, I'm afraid to say, she can. I, nor anyone else (mostly) wants to admit it, but Suze is still human. Therefore, she can die. I don't like it, but it's true. lets tear slide down her face Damn reality!

**Jessieness**: lol yeah, that's kinda where I was going with the whole thing. Thanks for ruining it! J/k

**SwEeT-sHoRtEy/Jasmine/Mimi**: Sorry, but she's gotta die. But she's not gonna DIE die. She's gonna hafta be a ghost or something obviously. Yeah, I did mean, "Oh god, no." Sorry bout that. I'll fix it. As for the Biker Bob thing, he was just trying to stop her so he could tie her up or something for Paul. Sorry, I had a part in there that explained that but I must have accidentally deleted it or something. Oops! And I will try to make them a lot longer. Just off to a rocky start I guess. It'll get better!

**Reesespeices88**: Yes, I'm saddened to say, Suze is really dead.

**Suzanne**: Thanks! um... that's it... just thanks. Wait! Thanks A LOT! Ha! Much better! , But really, I do appreciate it! Wait! Why are you so mad?? What'd I say??? has no idea that she just said something really stupid...

**Alenor**: Yeah, you're right. Killing Suze off would be kinda stupid and my story wouldn't be able to go anywhere. Unless I put the rest of in Jesse's or Paul's POV. But that would suck. So no, I'm not killing her off. I'm just killing her!

Chapter four: **Oh, shit! I was killed by a dead biker!!! 0o**

As I said this, Jesse visibly paled.

"W-what d-do you m-me-mean Querida?" He asked in a trembling voice. His eyes were incredibly wide and I saw a slight tremor in his chin. God, he was scared. No, terrified! I had never seen him like this in my life! The sight made me want to just say, "Psych!" and wrap my arms around him, telling him that it was okay and that I would never say anything so stupid again. But I couldn't.

I was about to say something that would pass for comforting when I heard a small sound over to my left. I looked over and saw Paul, shaking all over. His eyes were as wide as Jesse's, if not wider. And not only was his chin trembling, his knees where about to give out. I quickly walked over to him and caught him just as he collapsed. I gently eased him to the floor and looked back at Jesse. If he noticed that I was holding his worst enemy, he didn't let it show. He was staring off into nothing.

"Jesse," I said gently. "Jesse, are you alright?"

He didn't stir.

I shook my head and once again turned back to Paul. He was staring off much in the same manner as Jesse. Jeez! What was wrong with them? So I was dead, no big deal! It wasn't like I had expected to live to a ripe old age.

Then it dawned on me. I was dead. Really dead. Not ghost dead. _Dead_! _ME_! Oh god I felt sick. For a moment I was scared I would puke all over Paul. But then I realized that I wouldn't. And I never would again. Throw up I mean.

Because I was dead. Dead. Dead. Dead! _Dead_!!! The word felt strange. Maybe it was because I was referring to myself.

I was jerked out of my thoughts by something being wrapped around me. My eyes refocused and I saw that it was Paul. He was hugging me as if for dear life. But it wasn't his own life he was hanging on for. It was mine.

"You're not dead. You're not!" He whispered into my bosom with his still naked chest pressed to my stomach. "You can't be! No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no!" With every word his voice grew until he was almost screaming.

I felt something wet on my chest and realized that he was crying! Paul Slater, the Spawn of Hell, was crying! Because _I_ was dead no less! Me! Someone who hates him more than anyone else in the world! And he was crying. Mourning my death as I held him in my arms. How strange. Wasn't it supposed to be Jesse crying over me?

The thought drew my gaze in his direction. His face was blank as he watched us. He didn't say anything, just looked on in what looked like idle fascination. That made me mad. He was supposed to be heartbroken over this! Not treating it like I was just a bug that had died! It was me! His "querida"!

Suddenly I was crying too. Not big, dramatic, gasping sobs. Just a lot of tears falling silently down my face as I looked at the man I loved. He didn't care. He didn't care that I was dead.

God, in that one moment I wanted to hurt him. I had never been this angry and sad in my life! I was _dead_! And I was clinging to the guy whom I hated most instead of the one I loved. And it was his fault. It really, really was. He could have come over and comforted me. Just given me a hug or something. Or even, god forbid, shed a few tears! But he was just standing there!

Therefore, it was also his fault what happened next. I looked down at Paul, who still had his face buried in my chest. I grabbed his chin and forced his face up to mine and kissed him hard and fast. It was over in an instant, but it left all three of us shocked.

"S-Suze..." Paul started, but didn't finish because Jesse was on top of him again, punching him in the face.

Oh, hell no! I ran over to them and this time had to drag Jesse off of Paul. That was something I had never expected to do. Ever. Not because I didn't think Jesse could beat the crap out of Paul, but just because I would be too busy fixing the popcorn to be bothered.

"What the hell is your problem?" I asked him after I got him standing and facing me.

"What is _my_ problem Susannah? You just kissed the man who tried to kill you not too long ago! Or did you forget?"

"No, I didn't forget Jesse. I was thanking him for chrissake! Because he cares! He cares that I just _died_! Why don't you care Jesse? Huh? Why the hell are you so dispassionate about the fact that the girl you kissed not too long ago—the girl who's life you have saved multiple times—is now _dead_? _Why_?"

He just stood there for a minute, looking at me like I was crazy.

"I do care Querida. I—"

"Don't call me that! Don't ever call me that again! I'm not your dearest. I'm not your _anything_!" I was well aware that I was being totally irrational but it was like I couldn't stop. He had hurt me so it was within my rights to hurt him back.

Jesse looked like I had slapped him. "W-what do you mean?"

"You heard me! If you don't get it then you really are an idiot!"

That pain. It was in his eyes again. But it wasn't just pain this time. Tears were there too. Jesse was crying. Because of me. And I liked it. God I loved it! What the hell was wrong with me?

I was about to continue on with my pain-inflicting words when something latched onto my waist and dragged me to the floor. But when I looked up, it wasn't the floor of the long hallway. I was on Paul's bedroom floor!

"What the—"I muttered.

"Are you okay?" I heard the voice of Paul ask.

"How did we get back here?" I asked turning to him. He was in the same place he had been when he shifted.

"I brought us back"

"What? How? I was dead. I was supposed to move on up there."

He shook his head. "No. I won't give you up that easily Suze. I'll bring you back. You won't die."

"Too late. I'm dead Paul. I'm not supposed to go back. Not ever." But wouldn't that mean Jesse wasn't supposed to either. I pushed the thought aside and looked around for him. Jesse I mean.

But he wasn't there. Or if he was he had already left...

"Paul," I said, "where's Jesse?"

He looked uncomfortable for a moment then answered, "I didn't bring him."

"_What_?!"

"I'm sorry! But I can only bring one back at a time!"

"Well then get your shifter ass back up there and get him NOW!!!"

"Okay! Yeesh! Be right back." Then his body went limp again and I was left alone with my thoughts.

_Now what am I supposed to do?_ I thought. I couldn't be here when Jesse got back. Now that I had regained my senses I knew that I had been way too harsh. Jesse hadn't deserved to be yelled at or anything.

Then an idea struck me like a blow to the head. Only it was a good blow. If there is such a thing.

I would go see Father Dominic and see what he thought of all this. He would know exactly what to do. Plus I couldn't wait to see his reaction to my being dead.

_Father D_, I thought, _here I come!_

**(A/N)**: Well, this one was a little longer at least. So, what do you think of the developments? Don't you think Suze is taking this really well? And do you think Paul will actually bring Jesse back? Personally I don't think so, but who knows? Anyway, review please!


	5. Truly Hell

**(A/N)**: Well, here's chapter five! Sorry it took me so long to update this time. My parents banned me from the net for a few weeks because I "challenged" them. And I was right too! I shouldn't have to clean my room. I live in it and if I feel more comfortable with it junky then I ought to be able to leave it junky. When I said that though, they just said that my room wasn't just junky, it was hell with fuzzy pizza boxes... I named one if them Henry!! He's cute! At least I think it's a he. The good part about that was that I got to write more. I got three and a half chapters finished! Oh, I'm having some trouble with the symbol thingies too. You know, with the stars and faces with the things? Yeah, they don't want to show up in the final product. Could someone tell me what the problem is if they know? Please? Cause I love my little face thingies... Anyway, I've noticed that a lot of people format their actions a different way, so till I figure out what the problem is, my actions will be formatted like this: **::action:: **I hope it works out...

**SweetestReject**: Haha Well here's the next chappy just for you! Thanks for reviewing! Much appreciated! **::grins broadly::**

**Serena Tasneem**: Ok, updated now. Didn't do it that soon, but I got it done. **::cheers::**

**SwEeT-sHoRtEy**: lol Thanks! I learned how to use Spell Check, so hopefully I'll start using better grammar and spelling and stuff. And I promise to_ try_ to write longer chapters. Hehe No promises though! **::winks::**

**Lilly**: There's a reason she didn't actually look at her body. It will be explained in this chapter though. And Suze will eventually go mad with grief (not literally) over her own death. But that comes later. Thanks for the tips!! **::gives Lilly a pretty flower::** hehe It's a lilly. The flower I mean. Cause your name is Lilly. Get it?

**Dark-Killer**: Glad you like it! **::grins::**

**DancinSweethart**: lol You're right! Hehehe No, Paul's not going to do that. He's not _that_ evil. Or I don't think so at least... **::looks at Paul's Evil Meter::** Nope, not that evil.

Chapter five:** Truly Hell**

I immediately ran into a problem though. I didn't know how to de- and rematerialize. But it couldn't be that hard right? Jesse did it like it was nothing. Of course, he had been doing it for 150 years...

"_Shit_!" I said with feeling. How the hell was this going to work? Did I just picture the place I wanted to go and poof? It made a strange sort of sense I guess. And it was supposed to work for shifting.

I tried it. I closed my eyes and thought of Father D's office. I thought of the big oak desk and the white walls with the picture of the angel and children behind the plush rolling chair. ((I know Father Dom's office doesn't really look like this, but I've misplaced my copy of Shadowland where I think it is described. But this is close enough for right now)) I opened my eyes and I was still in Paul's room. _Damn_!!

I tried it again and this time thought of Father D. sitting in that plush rolling chair. When I opened my eyes this time, I was standing in front of the big oak desk and Father Dominic looked like he was going to have a heart attack!

_Note to self_, I thought, _when trying to materialize somewhere else, think of person you are looking for_.

_Another note to self, warn the person you are looking for before popping up in front of or behind them._

I took a step toward the father and gently eased my hands up in the universal gesture meaning I come in peace. His eyes were as big as saucers and he was shaking so hard he looked as if he would fall out of his chair.

"Father D, it's okay. I'm fine. No need to have a stroke."

"FINE? _FINE_ Susannah?! You are DEAD!!!"

I'd never seen him this upset before, but he'd have to calm down soon or someone would hear him and think he was screaming at himself or something.

"Calm down Father. It's not as bad as it looks." Stupid thing to say.

"NOT AS BAD AS IT LOOKS?"

"Um..."

"How did this happen?"

"Um..."

"_How_ Susannah?

Well, there was no way I was telling him the whole truth. He was a priest for god's sake! How would he react if I told him that I was making out with Paul Slater, then Jesse—who I wasn't supposed to have feelings for—showed up all emotional and started a fight with Paul, causing a ghost to show up, knocking me, literally, dead! I wasn't sure which would upset him more, the violence or the... sexual-ish... stuff. Probably both. But I could probably get away with a sort of half truth.

"Mediator stuff gone bad." I said. And I guess it was true. I mean, I went to Paul's house strictly for mediator business. Stuff had just happened.

"Well, why are you here? Shouldn't you have moved on?" He seemed to almost choke on those words. It sent a sharp dagger through my heart to see how hard it was for him that I was dead. It had been a mistake coming here. I shouldn't have hurt him like this.

"I don't know."

"What aren't you telling me?"

"Nothing."

"You're lying."

"I am not."

"Yes you are. Tell me exactly what happened."

I closed my eyes and went back to Paul's house. I wasn't going to tell him. No way. I wouldn't have gone back there, but I didn't know of anywhere else to go. I couldn't go back home because seeing Mom, and her not being able to see me, would have shattered my careful control. I couldn't go to Adam or Cee Cee's house for the same reason. And going to the graveyard—where I normally go to think—would have meant seeing Jesse's grave, which would have made me think of my grave, which would have also sent me over the edge. Paul's house, however, made me feel empty. Which wasn't really a lot better than going crazy, but still. It was something.

Ironic. The place that I would have normally dreaded to go had become a sort of safe haven. And it didn't bother me. I should have been upset that the demon's lair was my harbor. But it didn't. It really didn't. I mused over that for a while.

Paul hadn't brought Jesse back yet. His body was on the floor, slumped just where he had left it. Thinking of Paul's body made me think of mine. I had been too worried about Jesse when I had first come back from the Shadowland to notice it. But I was dead, so my body aught to be around here somewhere. But I didn't see it. I had been over by the bed when Biker Bob had hit me. I looked in that direction. It wasn't there. Oh, god.

"_Paul_! Paul, please, I need you for a second!" I knew he couldn't hear me, but I still had to try.

I busied around the room, looking in the closet and under the bed to see if it had been shoved there. It hadn't. Ohshitohshitoh_shit_!

Just as I was about to run out of the room to check other places, Paul's body tensed and somebody grabbed me around my waist and lifted up in a hug from behind. If you've never been hugged from behind, I don't recommend it. It feels really weird to be hugged when you couldn't see who was holding you. Although, I didn't have to see him to know it was Jesse.

With Jesse's arms around me I instantly relaxed a little. But I was still worried about my body. I still wanted a proper burial. I didn't want to be shoved somewhere where nobody could find me and I would be listed as another missing person. Huh-uh. No freakin way.

"Jesse, I can't find myself!" Stupid. He looked at me kind of funny, then seemed to realize what I was saying. He looked over at Paul, who was still on the floor, but he was sitting up now. He was also cradling his head in his hands.

Jesse was about to say something, probably accus him of hiding my body from me, but I cut him off.

"Paul, what's the matter?"

"Shifting always gives me a headache. And I just shifted three times in a row. My head feels like it's going to explode!" He groaned in pain.

I pictured his kitchen and was instantly there. Looked like I was getting the hang of the whole thing. I found a bottle of Tylenol, which was sitting on the counter, but when I tried to pick it up, my hand went right through it. What the...

Oh, that was right, I would have some trouble touching stuff for a while. Jesse popped in beside me.

"Here, let me help," he said, and easily picked it up. ((Does anyone know if ghosts can materialize with stuff in their hands? Cause in Darkest Hour Maria came into Suze's room with a knife, but I didn't know if she brought it with her or if she got it from the kitchen or something. Did it say anything about it? And I couldn't find any other instances where ghosts used something that hadn't just been lying around. Anyway, if anyone knows, tell me please.)) We went back up to Paul's room and I gave him two of the pills. He took them dry and stood up. They couldn't have worked that fast, but he must have been used to the pain by now since he obviously shifted so often.

"Now," I said, "do you know what happened to my body?"

"No. Sorry, but I really don't."

"Well do you think Biker Bob might have carried it off to have fun with or something?"

He looked horrified for a moment, but quickly recovered. "I doubt it." I noticed that he didn't correct me on calling the guy Biker Bob. Maybe that was his real name? Nah, he probably just didn't remember it. I wouldn't have doubted it for a second. That he didn't know the guy's name I mean. Although I also wouldn't have doubted that Biker Bob had taken my body to get his jollies with. But he better not have. Because if her did, he was _SO DEAD_!! Or... _SO DEADER_... or whatever.

"What do you mean?" This from Jesse, who was standing beside me, looking at us like we were talking a foreign language. "How could he have fun with a dead body?" He said the last carefully, as if he were afraid that saying the words dead and body would kill me. Again. But I was hung up on the other part. How could he not know what we meant? Well, there was no way I was going to explain it to him. I mean,_ gross_!

Paul looked as if he were about to explain though. But I stopped him with a quick elbow to the gut. He made a strange noise somewhere between a grunt and a whine and doubled over on the floor.

"We just meant that he would... um... hide it. So no one would find it. And it would be entertaining or something. I mean who knows with freaks like him, right Paul?"

He quickly nodded, still crouched close to the ground, as if he would throw up. I took a step away from him. I didn't want the contents of his stomach on my Jimmy Choos.

I suddenly realized something. I would have to wear what I died in for the rest of my unlife. That meant wearing the torturous shoes forever! An eternity of pinched and blistered toes!

"Susannah, what is the matter? You look like you swallowed a bee." Jesse gently eased a muscular arm around me. Oops, he thought I was thinking about being dead or something. And I was thinking about shoes. I felt a little guilty about letting him hold me for a while, but I was feeling miserable. Just not for the reasons he thought. Besides, nobody could resist letting those wondrous arms encircle their waist. Well, maybe Paul. But besides him, no one.

_You know_, I thought, _maybe this being dead stuff won't be all _that_ bad_...

**(A/N)**: So, this one was longer. Almost five pages, single spaced, on Word. All the others have been about two or three pages. Anyway, wadda ya think? Do you think Biker Bob is gonna rape Suze's dead body? EWWWW! And why the hell do you think Jesse is so clueless? Hehe! I thought that was pretty funny myself. And poor Suze is gonna have to spend forever in those damned shoes!! **::shudders::** Now _that_ is truly hell.


	6. Bravado

**(A/N)**: Wow, look at me! I have 23 reviews!!! YAY!! **::bounces around the room joyously::** And none of them are flames!!! **::bounces more::** GO ME!!!!! **::cheers::**

**Alenor**: Thanks! Yes you will find out soon what happened, but not in this chapter and probably not the next. Thank you for being my only reviewer for this chappie. For that you get a special prize. **::gives Alenor a gazillion dollars:: **Haha! That'll teach everyone to review more!!!!! **::grins like a maniac::**

Chapter six: **Bravado**

About an hour later we were still standing around in Paul's bedroom. We were discussing how we should handle the Biker Bob situation. Or rather, Paul and Jesse were. I wasn't really paying attention.

It's amazing how different things look when you are dead. Everything seems to have a slight fuzz to it. Like your eyes can't quite focus or something. I'd asked Jesse about it and he'd said it was normal for the first few days. That, since I wasn't technically supposed to be here, the world might try to "cast me out". I wasn't to worry about it, though, because as long as I was strong enough I would stay firmly in place. My vision would just be a little wacky. And it should wear off soon too.

But apparently some ghosts don't last long. That's why most of the ghosts I mediated asked favors of me. They needed stuff and the only thing keeping them here was the desire to finish things. Will power is an incredible thing... And I really wasn't worried. I mean why should I be? I was the most willful person I knew. Well, except for Jesse if the length of time he had stuck around was any indication. But, who knew, maybe I would stick around for 151 years and have him beat. But by that time he would have been here for 300 years... Well damn.

"_Susannah_!"

I looked up and realized that it had been Jesse that had called me. And apparently he had been trying to get my attention for a while.

"Huh?" I asked.

"Are you alright? What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing. Just wondering how long I'll be able to stay."

His face softened a bit when I said that. "Querida, you are so stubborn you could stay here for a thousand years without even trying." He smiled. "And I would stay right here with you for all of that time."

I grinned and walked over to him. He wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me into another hug. I'd lost count of all the hugs we'd had since...

"Ahem!"

I glanced over at Paul as I pulled away. "Ahem what? You gotta problem with me hugging Jesse?"

"When I can see it, yes."

I grinned again and wrapped my arms around Jesse's neck and gave him a peck on the cheek.

"Well, tough luck." I said. I looked up at Jesse and saw that he was looking back at me with a huge smile on his face. He was about the only thing in the room that wasn't in a haze. Besides Paul. I didn't know if all people were clear or if it was just the two people in this room. Maybe it was only mediators/shifters and ghosts. I dunno.

"What?" I asked, already preparing to go on the defensive.

"It is nothing," he said, bending down and kissing me quickly. It left me a little dizzy. I was glad that Jesse wasn't still mad at me for being with Paul. Actually, I think he had forgotten about it altogether. He hadn't mentioned it. And he hadn't even so much as glared at me when I wasn't looking. I knew because I was constantly looking at him. I just couldn't resist! He was so... so... bravura!

"Okay, that's it! Stop making googly eyes at each other! We have a serious situation here and neither of you seem to care!" There was something close to pain in Paul's voice. If it had been anyone else I would have said he was hurt by our PDA ((Hehe, I just learned yesterday that that means Public Displays of Affection. Did anyone else know that? I sure didn't)).

"Shut up Slater. We will do whatever we wish." Wow, Jesse really sounded... well jealous isn't the right word I guess, but angry doesn't really cover it either. Somewhere in between.

"Calm down Jesse. He's just being Paul. No big deal." I made a cute pouty/smiley face and gave him another kiss. I was liking all of the kisses just as much as the hugs. Very fun! So much fun, in fact, that I giggled. Seriously! I, Susannah Simon, actually giggled! In a giggly way! Like I really wanted to giggle. Not like I was forcing myself to! I swear! It's _true_! What are you laughing at? _It's not funny_! STOP IT!!!

"God, you guys are making me sick." And with that, Paul left. Yippee!

I waggled my eyebrows suggestively at Jesse, who laughed and pressed his forehead to mine and said, "Susannah, we really should find out what happened to your body."

"Oh, Jesse, who really cares? I'm _dead_! I'm not part of my body anymore! Wadda I care if some dead Hell's Angel breaks it?"

"Susannah, you know you do not mean that."

"No, I really do. I don't give a shit about it! Biker Bob can rape it, beat it, burn it, I don't care!"

He ran his hand up my arm and gave me a sympathetic look.

"Don't look at me like that! I don't care Jesse. Really. That stupid ugly thing means nothing to me anymore. I'm over the initial shock. I'm fine!"

"One, it is not ugly. It is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. And two, you do not have to hide how you feel from me, querida. I know you are more upset about this than you are letting show."

"I am not!"

He gave me a look that said "Come on! If you expect me to believe that, then you really _are_ crazy!"

"I mean it Jesse. I'm not upset."

"Okay Susannah. If you insist."

"Now, lets go find Paul so we can finish deciding on a course of action, shall we?" I smiled sweetly as I said this. I was determined to convince him that I was fine. Jesse I mean. Not Paul. Because I was. Fine I mean. Really! ((Has anyone else noticed that Suze does that a lot? Babbles I mean. Cause she does. You know, babble. Has anyone else noticed? Have you?)) I didn't wait for an answer. I spun on my heel and walked out the door.

I found Paul in the kitchen, rummaging through the fridge. He didn't look up when I came in, just kept shuffling thing around. He came up with a jar of jelly in his hand. I noticed that there was already a jar of peanut butter and a loaf of bread on the counter. When he saw me he jumped about a foot in the air and dropped the jelly jar, which was thankfully plastic and didn't break.

"God, Suze! Don't do that!"

"Don't do what?"

"Don't sneak up on me! You scared the shit outta me!"

"Sorry, didn't mean to."

He gave me an incredulous look then muttered, "Yeah, sure, whatever."

I shrugged and walked over to the counter and sat down on one of the barstools there. What'd I care if Paul nearly had a heart attack. Personally, I would have found it to be a blessing.

Then I noticed what I was actually doing. "Hey, look! I sat down without even trying!"

"Good for you. Never known anyone to do _that_ before." He replied sarcastically.

"No, you idiot. I touched something!"

"Oh," he said, then grasped the meaning, "_Oh_! Well, that's great!" He smiled. A genuine, open smile. It was kinda nice.

Before I knew it, I had stood up and kissed that smiling face. Not a long, passionate kiss or anything. Just a quick, friendly peck on the lips. But it was still more that I was supposed to do.

I reeled backwards really fast and tripped over the stool, falling to the ground.

"Ouch!" I screeched.

Paul rushed over and tried to pick me up, but I slapped his hands away yelling, "Don't touch me!"

Then Paul was flying across the room and standing in his place was a very distraught looking Jesse, who must have stayed behind in the bedroom instead of following me.

"Querida, are you alright? What did he do to you?"

"What did _I_ do!" I heard from the other side of the kitchen, "_I_ didn't do anything! I just tried to help her up when she freaked out and fell over!"

"I'm okay, Jesse. Just went a little crazy for a second." I was grateful to Paul for not saying that I had kissed him, but I knew that he thought it was more that it was. I'd have to talk to him later.

It was clear, however, that I would have to talk to Jesse first. He obviously didn't believe that I had just "freaked out". I wasn't, of course, going to tell him the truth, but I had to think of a believable lie sometime soon. I seemed to be doing that a lot lately.


	7. Possession

**(A/N)**: Wow! Chapter 7! Farther than I expected to go! And I still have TONS of ideas! This thing could end up being, like, 80 chapters long!!!!!! Especially if I keep writing such short chappies! Sorry it took me so long to post. It happened again. I said something and my parents got pissed. I really need to learn to keep my mouth shut huh? Anyway, recap. Jesse caught Suze making out with Paul. Jesse got mad at Paul. Paul called his evil minion, "Biker Bob," to keep Jesse from hurting him and/or Suze. Biker Bob inadvertently kills Suze. Jesse cries. Paul cries. Suze cries. Suze talks to Father Dominic, who totally freaks out. Suze leaves Father Dom. Suze comes back to Paul's house to find that her body is missing. Suze freaks. Paul freaks. Jesse freaks. Suze makes nice with Jesse and they start making googly eyes. Paul gets disgusted. Paul leaves the room. Suze follows. Jesse doesn't. Suze touches something. Suze kisses Paul. Suze freaks. Jesse throws Paul across the room. Paul says, "Ouch." Jesse says, "LEAVE MY SUSANNAH ALONE YOU PERVERDED ASSHOLE!" Suze tries to think of a good lie to tell Jesse. Did all that make sense?

**DancinSweethart**: I am SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO **_SO_** sorry I didn't respond to your review last chapter! I think you reviewed right when I was posting and I didn't get it until days later! **::gets on her knees and begs for forgiveness:: **Anyway, yes, Suze can feel the shoes. But I guess they are breaking in or something because she won't complain about them. Can ghostly shoes actually break in? I don't know. Thanks for reviewing!! **::grins::**

**Alenor**: lol You're very welcome! It was just some spare change, really. Haha! Yeah, Suze is acting weird and stupid. But she's Suze. What can you expect? LOL

**dReAmInGdUcKy**: I'm glad you like it! And of course Jesse isn't being a meanie! It would take up space because everyone knows that if Jesse and Suze fight, they have to make up eventually. lol Plus he's really really really (I could go on with the reallys) nice! lol Like how I did the thing with the reallys? Like you did? Hehe! J/k. Glad you like. And please tell the clowns to STAY AWAY! **::shiviers::** Clowns scare me! lol Thanks for reviewing!

**Rachel Ylnen**: Okies! Glad you like! **::smiles::**

**Phe**: Thanks! Btw, I LOVE Hawksong! It's one of Amelia's best books ever! Besides Demon in my View. InuYasha rox too! (I looked at your profile obviously. Hope you don't mind)

**Chelsea**: I'm not sure who Suze is going to end up with yet. But for right now she's going to struggle between the two. But, actually, I've been thinking about not putting her with either one. I have someone else I've always wanted her to get with and I might do that. I'm not telling who it is though. Or I might just start another fic and put her with that person in there instead of in here. I don't know. Btw, I'm a Paul/Suze fan too! **::grins:: **Hope you decide to read!

Chapter seven: **Possession **

Thankfully, Jesse let me off the hook for the time being. I'd have plenty of time to perfect my story. I would tell him that I saw a spider. Classic excuse for freak-outs. Almost always works. Almost.

Paul, however, was another story. He was standing closer to me than was necessary. Touching me as much as possible. And, worst of all, he tried to kiss me while Jesse wasn't looking. I'd managed to avoid the kiss, but just barely. I didn't say anything, though, because Jesse was standing right there.

It didn't take him long to get me alone again though. Paul, I mean. I'm not sure how he managed it, but I had been sitting on his bed when I noticed that Jesse wasn't there. Oh, shit.

"Suze," Paul said. That's it. Just my name. I hate it when people do that.

"What?" I asked grumpily. It was obvious what he wanted to "talk" about.

Suddenly he was right in front of me. He leaned down. I tried to get out of the way, but he was too fast. He grabbed my arms and forced his lips down on mine. God, this was happening _way_ too often! I tried to push him off. There was no way I was going to make the mistake of kissing him back this time. I turned my head to the side and managed to break my mouth from his. But he just started attacking my neck.

It wasn't that it didn't feel good. Trust me, it really, _really_ did. But me and Jesse had been doing so well. And now Paul wanted to make out while he (Jesse) was probably in the same house! I knew I couldn't call for Jesse. He would either:

Kill me.

Kill Paul. Or,

Both.

"Paul, get off of me," I managed to gasp out. He didn't listen. He'd pushed me back onto the bed so that his body was pinning mine. Warning bells started to go off in my head. Paul wouldn't do anything would he? He was evil but I thought he liked me and wouldn't want to hurt me. Maybe I had been wrong.

I started to squirm and try to get free, but I couldn't. Paul's hands were going up my shirt. But I still couldn't get him off. He felt like he weighed a ton! Paul wasn't this heavy last time we were in this position not too long ago. Something was very wrong. I still didn't really think he would hurt me, but I was getting more and more worried by the second.

"Paul. Paul, please, stop for a minute. I… want to get a better position." A fairly good lie considering I hadn't had time to think about it. He raised up and looked down at me. What I saw made me gasp.

Paul's eyes, they weren't normal. His usually beautiful blue eyes were a deep shade of crimson.

"Little Paulie isn't here, sweetie." His voice wasn't his own. It was deep and almost raspy, but not quite. It obviously wasn't Paul. Big duh.

"Wh-who are you?"

"Don't you know," he growled. I was confused. Was Paul possessed? And if he was, how would I know who or what had possessed him?

I shook my head. The Paul-thing made a sound somewhere between a growl and a grunt. I couldn't tell if it meant he was frustrated or angry. Probably both, actually. He let me go very fast and stood up. He looked around, as if hearing something. Then Paul's eyes went back to their normal shade of blue. I had a moment to glimpse them before they rolled back in his head and he collapsed. I squeaked and ran over to catch him.

"Paul?"

He opened his eyes. So he hadn't passed out.

"Paul, is that you?"

"Of course it is! Who else would it be?" Hmph. Well he couldn't be that badly hurt if he was treating me like an idiot. Like he wouldn't have asked the same thing if I had been possessed then collapsed.

He looked a little pale.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"Sure, just a little dizzy is all. What happened?"

"What's the last thing you remember?"

"We were in the kitchen. You… you kissed me. Then I was flying…" He looked a little perplexed at his own words. "How did I get to my room?"

"I'll explain later. Lets get you in bed so you don't hit your head when you pass out."

"I'm not going to pass out."

"Yes, you are."

"No, I'm not."

I rolled my eyes and helped him up. We barely made it to the bed before he passed out.

**(AN)**: Sorry, very short. But I wanted to post so you wouldn't thing I was giving up on this story. It also sucked big time. Sorry bout that too, but I had to write the thing in about 20 minutes. Anyway, yeah, review. I'll try to get the next chapter up soon.


End file.
